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You shouldn’t carry a heavy emotional burden entirely alone, but you must respect your colleague’s privacy.
If your workplace has a specific employee assistance program, a trusted HR representative, or a manager who is aware of the situation, lean on them. If not find a friend whom you trust. When speaking with a trusted peer, focus entirely on your reaction rather than details of the colleague’s medical situation: “I just had a really heavy personal conversation with someone on the team. I can’t share details, but it really took it out of me. I just need a coffee and five minutes to talk about something completely normal to reset.”
This is all about you, and in this situation, this is both necessary and desirable.
What if a colleague approaches you asking for a debriefing conversation
If a colleague approaches you asking for a debriefing conversation, and you feel comfortable in participating, you can use a method known as “low-impact debriefing”.
Start by setting immediate boundaries, ensuring you both agree to keep the discussion confidential. Clarify your intentions right away by asking your peer if they just need to vent or if they want advice. To protect your colleague’s privacy and avoid spreading emotional trauma, you should focus the chat entirely on the emotional reaction of the colleague in the conversation rather than any specific medical details that have been disclosed to them.
During the conversation, you should practice active listening by asking open-ended questions about how the experience made your colleague feel. You should validate their stress response and reflect their feelings back to them, instead of trying to fix the situation.
As the discussion winds down, help them to transition into grounding themselves by identifying where they are holding physical tension in their body and taking deep, rhythmic breaths to reset.
If you feel that you are out of your depth, or are no longer helping, it is important that you guide them to additional support from HR or other people responsible for staff welfare.
